Sunday, May 1, 2011

Critics Agree Part VII: The Hollow Death

Pundits periodically pontificate on the perennial prospect of film criticism perishing.  These high-falutin' fools certainly have not scoured the pages of Netflix where intellectual rigor and thoughtful analysis lay there for the taking.


"My apple was set at the loudest volume setting but I could barely hear. Therefore I stopped watching" --1 star

F for Fake-

"I want to punch all the people who made glowing reviews about this garbage. I rented it because I thought it was a documentary. Pay zero attention to what the description says because it's a complete lie. What you get is some artsy crappy film where Orson is just talking. He talks over every thing. It's all about Orson sitting with a drink and blabbering on. There's zero movie in this. The footage is naturally very old but it's all shaky and terrible looking. My breaking point came when Orson was reading poetry for no reason while crazy music played and things were on fire. Absolutely the most horrible film of any kind that I've ever seen." --1 star

All About Eve-

"Frankly, the starting scene of this movie was so boring and uninteresting that it moved me to turn the whole CD off. I like theater plays, but I couldn't care less about theater performers' problems. Maybe I should have been more patient." --2 stars

"Very boring! The story was vague and the characters uninteresting. Nothing really happens. A scene in which Marilyn Monroe is sitting on the stairs chatting with a group of people at a cocktail party was the only worthwhile part. We quit watching halfway through. Don't waste your time on this one." --1 star

The Adventures of Robin Hood-

"Our family just loved this movie! Lots of excitement, adventure and laughs. Would recommend highly." --2 stars

The Sting-

"I am not a fan of ragtime mnusic nor of films involving gambling. Therefore I did not watch this movie, only the first 20 minutes or so. Did not appeal to me." --2 stars

"Ok, so I watched the Sting. Part of me wanted to turn it off so I did. A few days later I finished it. If you need to fall asleep, put this movie on. So overrated-" --1 star

The Wild Bunch-

"I watched 28 minutes of it and got bored to death. Acting was terrible and the violence just a 1960,s spaghetti western yawn. Dont waste your time. Whoever compared this to even the worst Clint Eastwood flick must be on drugs." --1 star

"It would be nice to see a preview of a movie that you are interested in.But for months now I been writing in regard to this and no one replys. Does anyone get to watch a preview before they rent a movie? Please let me know.Thank you" --5 stars


"What adventure? Our Greater Swiss Mountain dog, Oscar, has more adventures sniffing out deer and chasing squirrels." --2 stars

"Sorry. After the island scenes, this movie was so profoundly boring it almost had me wishing for Transformers." --1 star

"why did this film win so many awards?? i have no idea.. it was slow-moving and boring. Theyre supose to be looking for their missing friend and they just kind of forget about her and hook-up with each other instead... hos." --1 star

Unfaithfully Yours-

"If only the main character wasn't a total jerk, or maybe if the plot wasn't telegraphed from the start, or maybe if the comedy was funny instead of slow-motion slapstick... Maybe I should have liked this movie. It had period charm and black & white drama. But ultimately it was boring." --2 stars

Crimes and Misdemeanors-

"Disc arrived cracked, never received a replacement ( 5 days of mem=bership wasted )" --5 stars

1 comment:

Sandy J. said...

Positive Proof! You have put my mind at ease.