Classics Profile: Sean

I've worked alongside my cohort in this lucrative enterprise, Mr. Sean Gilman, for nigh five years now and at times I feel like I know the essence of the man. You know, what makes him tick. His passions and aversions, his history and future. And then lo and behold, the dude says something so certifiably bonkers that I pull a Chester Conklin-style spit take ruining my outfit in the process. And I wasn't even drinking anything in the first place.

Ladies and gentlemen. . . Chester Conklin.

This got me thinking, how do we define a man? What really constitutes a life? Why is the sky blue, why is the water wet? In search of answers I set out to question those closest to Sean, his family, friends and co-workers. Maybe they could shed some light onto this riddle wrapped in an enigma, drowning in a tweed jacket. With patches on the elbows.

Pardon me but who is Sean Gilman?

Adam Kempenaar (co-host of Filmspotting, the greatest film podcast around): "Sean Gilman is... The most intimidating cinephile on the Filmspotting Forum."

Ryland Walker Knight (former Metro employee, editor-in-chief at Vinyl is Heavy): "Sean Gilman watches movies, but he also drinks Pepsi a lot, and eats Cup-a-Noodles, too; I think he does all three at once, which may explain why he likes some films better than others. I mean, _Bringing Up Baby_ with pop and paper noodles makes more sense than _Pirates 2_, right?"

Jeff Sim (Metro manager and nicest guy in the whole wide world): "There's no better karaoke duet partner than Sean Gilman."

Kim Gilman (Sean's significantly better half): "It was a good joke at first, but now it is nothing more than cruel. Everyone knows as well as I do that Sean looks nothing like Johnny Depp. Though many times I had wished it to be true, sadly it is not. Indeed, this charade has elevated Sean's ego to such artificial heights that I'm afraid some permanent damage has been done. He refuses to cut his hair to a manageable length or get rid of that ridiculous outgrowth of facial hair, not to mention his absolute arrogance when it comes to anything and everything movie related---or as he might say, in that pretentious mumbling tone of his, 'film related'."

Freddy Reidenschneider (attorney at law): "They got this guy, in Germany. Fritz Something-or-other. Or is it? Maybe it's Werner. Anyway, he's got this theory, you wanna test something, you know, scientifically - how the planets go round the sun, what sunspots are made of, why the water comes out of the tap - well, you gotta look at it. But sometimes you look at it, your looking changes it. Ya can't know the reality of what happened, or what would've happened if you hadn't-a stuck in your own goddamn schnozz. So there is no "what happened"? Not in any sense that we can grasp, with our puny minds. Because our minds... our minds get in the way. Looking at something changes it. They call it the "Uncertainty Principle". Sure, it sounds screwy, but even Einstein says the guy's on to something."