Fred Hysteria

Coming Attractions: Swing Time

Wednesday, February 10th at 7:00 & 9:10.

Giveaways: Shall We Dance DVD courtesy of Scarecrow Video.

See you there!

The Critics Agree Part VI: The Second-to-Last Nightmare

The following are honest-to-goodness reviews from the Netflix populace at large. Those with weak constitutions are encouraged to tread cautiously.

The Maltese Falcon-

"I can't rate it because I did not watch it. It did not play. I cannot find where to report a problem." --5 stars

Barbarella-

"I can except and enjoy campy, yet Barbarella is far just campy, it's plain awful. My biggest problem with this film is it's boring and if anything boring is the death nail to a bad movie. A bad movie should at least be entertaining even in it's awful state. Barbarella just put me to sleep." --1 star

"Movies like this make me thank God we have the Adult movie industry now. This is what young men had to settle for back in the 60s...and it probably just made them more sexually frusturated. Although boring and just plain awful, Barbarella helped catalyze the adult and NC-17 movies that we have today. For that, it earns a star." --1 star

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes-

"A horrible propaganda piece for the diamond industry. As a movie, it's so bad I fast-forwarded through most of it, and I still didn't miss a thing!" --1 star

My Own Private Idaho-

"Color me "shallow" but I don't get it, even after reading what the movie is supposed to be about. Hated it!" --1 star

"I saw this when it came out and hated it back then. I gave it another chance and hated it even more. It is actually boring. It isn't 100% bad (like Gummo) but I still couldn't finish it." --1 star

"It's definitely got the "art" factor, as beautiful scenes of Idaho drift around as narcoleptic Phoenix sleeps. However, I think the mere fact that Phoenix chose to play this role marks the direction Phoenix was headed in life- that is, towards destruction and untimely death. It's not wonderful. It's not to be praised. It's a complete waste of talent. The movie- all the fornication, prostitution, and homosexuality- is disgusting. People praise it for being "honest" and "powerful" but that doesn't make it good. Would we want to watch a movie about sexual slavery in which 12 year old girls are assaulted? No, we wouldn't. And we wouldn't praise it either. It doesn't matter if the acting is fabulous, if the director was flawless, if the dialogue is perfect- the story itself will fill your mind with garbage and with imagery that will pollute your brain. I do not recommend this movie." --1 star

Forbidden Planet-

"Every time I've watched this movie I fell asleep. As another reviewer here mentions, the romance part of this movie drags the movie down, especially for a movie that is now 'dated'. Update: You know, maybe it's the commonplace sappy romance that was typically thrown in back in the day of moviemaking that now makes this movie seem oh so dated." --1 star

"What is up with this movie, its old why isn't it instance watchable or rent-able??? Aside from that, it would get 5 stars since its a great movie and a classic." --1 star

Kiss Me Kate-

"Tap dancing and Shakespeare do not mix well together. We could not sit through this movie." -- 1 star

A Fistful of Dollars-

"This Was Just OK For Me. Not Very Exciting, Kind Of Boring, It Didnt Really Hold My Attention, And It Was Kind Of Silly In Places. Also, There Were A Lot Of Weird Things About The Background Noises... Weird "Cat" Like Growls, Creepy Laugh/Cry Noises.... And Whats The Deal With The Little Kid Who Has The Voice Of A 20 Year Old?? Why Couldnt They Just Use His Real Voice??? I Would Have Given It A 2, But I Think My Boyfriend Liked It, So I Gave It A 3." --3 stars

"The sound track must have been dubbed. It was so bad and so distracting that I couln'd watch the movie. I was very dissapointed!" --1 star

The Fly-

"It doesn't make sense to me that this DVD is listed with an unknown release date when it is available to buy, "IN STOCK", in DVD format on Amazon for $15.00.(???)" --3 stars

Pennies from Heaven-

"I did not like this movie at all. I could not get trough the first fifteen minutes. I don't like a movie when the actors burst out in song in the middle of a scene. I extremely disappointed." --1 star

You go girl!

Following Up On Eric Rohmer

A few weeks ago, I said I was going to watch some Eric Rohmer films. I've made it through his Six Moral Tales and am very glad I did. I liked them so much, in fact, I bought another boxset of his films, this one featuring his next six film series, Comedies and Proverbs. But here's what I thought of the Moral Tales:


The Bakery Girl of Monceau - The first of Eric Rohmer's Six Moral Tales is a short film about a law student (future director Barbet Schroeder, with voiceover narration by future director Bertrand Tavernier) who sees a pretty woman walk by every day, over-thinks a plan to ask her out, and ends up buying cookies every day waiting to run into the girl again. He flirts with the bakery girl (for various potential reasons) and drops her when the first girl returns. It definitely feels like there's more of a movie in this story, something that could have run for 90 instead of 23 minutes. On the other hand, it's pretty much perfect as it is. Schroeder's attention to habit, his circular, obsessive logic and ultimate callousness feels very true to life.


Suzanne's Career - Much darker in tone than the first Moral Tale, it feels kind of like what would happen if the guys from Metropolitan tried to act like the jerks from In the Company of Men. A caddy young man dates a girl he doesn't really like. His friend (who seems to be a bit in love with the guy) really doesn't like the girl either, but considers dating her as well. The girl, seen exclusively from the boys' perspective, is a bit of a cipher. In the end, though, we see that Rohmer was totally on her side all along. The black and white cinematography has a really cool shadowyness to it during the many party sequences.


My Night at Maud's - The first feature length Moral Tale features some great acting from Jean-Louis Trintignant (Three Colors: Red) and cinematography by Nestor Almendros (Days of Heaven). Trinignant plays an engineer in his early 30s (this is the first of the Moral Tales not about students) who's trying to be Catholic and has some issues with Pascal. He's in love with (but has never talked to) a pretty blonde he's seen at Mass. He meets an old school buddy who drags him along to meet his girlfriend, the titular Maud, who interrogates him about his life and philosophy and kind of flirts with him. The bulk of the film is their conversation. All the Moral Tales have essentially the same plot, but differ in the kinds of characters they present the dilemma of fidelity to. The is the first one wherein every character is truly lovable (the guys in the first two are pretty much jerks, Trintignant here isn't perfect (he's actually kind clueless) but adorably so).


La Collectionneuse - A step backward in the likability department for the Moral Tales. The Almendros photography is in color this time, and he really captures the beauty of the film's Riviera location. Two guys stay at their friend's vacation house for a month, along with a girl neither of them knows but who seems kind of slutty. They make a kind of game out of competing for her without acknowledging they actually like her. Their behavior is, for the most part, detestable, but at least seems to know that and enjoys playing along for her own entertainment. The ending, which is pretty much perfect, makes me love the film a lot more than I did while watching it. I too want to spend my time at an awesome house on the ocean trying my best to do absolutely nothing.


Claire's Knee - A kind of mellow version of Dangerous Liaisons. Jean-Claude Brialy (from A Woman Is A Woman, though now with an awesome beard) is on vacation at Lake Annecy (which is, like the beach house in La Collectionneuse, a stunning location and definitely a place I'd rather be). He's about to move to Sweden to get married, when he meets an old friend who eggs him into a flirtatious relationship with a local teenaged girl. He than falls more seriously for the girl's older sister, or more specifically, certain parts of her. Like the protagonists of most of the Moral Tales, Brialy isn't a particularly admirable character, but he nonetheless remains both likable and sympathetic. This seems to be something special Rohmer brings to the films, maybe it's in the leisurely pace, the dialogue and narration-heavy scripts, the visual relations between the characters and their environments, or just something basically decent and humanistic about the way he sees the world. He's ever curious about behavior, and the lengths people go to to justify that behavior, but he never condemns and encourages that magnanimity in his audience. I can't ever imagine feeling bad after watching a Rohmer movie.


Love in the Afternoon - This is, apparently, a lot of people's favorite of the Moral Tales, but I think I liked it the least. Part of my problem with it, though, is pretty silly: it has, by far, the worst clothing I've seen in a film in a very long time. I know 1972 was an awful time for fashion, but still, this is ridiculous. Sure, it's kind of cute that the main character, a businessman (Bernard Verley) who has a platonic affair with an old friend (Chloe as played by Zouzou in some really horrifying outfits) while his wife is pregnant, wears nothing but turtlenecks (blue, red, lime green), except when he buys a tight flannel shirt right before meeting Chloe (symbolism!). The best part of the film happens early on, when Verley fantasizes about being able to control the minds of everywoman he meets, and all the ones he meets are the women from the other Moral Tales. A nice little touch tying them all together. This is the only of the Moral Tales wherein the protagonist is already married, in each of the others he's only in love with or engaged to another woman when faced with temptation. That makes him a bit more reprehensible and also makes the film more conventional: from a relaxed exploration of the male psyche as it tries (and usually fails) to relate to and understand women, it becomes a critique of the banality of bourgeois life. After the other five films in the series, I expect more from Rohmer.

Final Ranking:

1. My Night at Maud's
2. Claire's Knee
3. La Collectionneuse
4. The Bakery Girl of Monceau
5. Suzanne's Career
6. Love in the Afternoon

The Critics Agree Part V: The Umpire Strikes Out

The following are raw, uncut, uncensored reviews from the denizens of Netflix. You have been warned.

Open City-

"Boring, pompous, and pathetic garbage -- very old italian fantasy about how heroic their nation is. OK, trains still don't go on time... Operetta germans, heroic priests, magazine-cover kids, forced conversation, bad (frequently missing!) subtitles, video quality low (all the scratches, blotches, and dark areas are here, just like you're watching the old film -- I mean, actually acetate film). But the video quality is not what's important here; what's important is that this is an old, shallow, and stupid film with a lot of phoney pathos." --2 stars

Notorious-

"I don't know why this movie is considered a "classic". It seems to be made with very little effort. Though the movie takes place in Miami and Brazil I don't think anyone making the movie ever left the soundstage. The plot is very simple with a dissapointing ending. The characters arent fully developed. And Hitchcock basically phoned-in the direction." --2 stars

"This disc is veray old and has places where it wavers and acts strangly. You might think about updating it." --3 stars

Blue Velvet-

"This movie was odd and strange. The description of the movie leads you to believe it would be really good. However, this movie is terrible. I would not recommend." --1 star

"If Dennis Hopper didn't have the "f" word he would be devoid of speech. Sorry to see the daughter of Ingrid Bergman reduced to such drivel. She must be turning over in her grave." --1 star

A Fish Called Wanda-

"I kept expecting this movie to get funny and it never did. Honestly i thought they had accidentally labeled it wrong. Very old and simple people might get a few giggles but there is nothing resembling a joke in this entire film." --1 star

The Manchurian Candidate-

"This was just an awful movie. The premise of the movie is okay believable. But, the side plots are ridiculous. For example, Janet Leigh is sitting on the train next to a total stranger (Frank Sinatra). He's flipping out from post war trauma. So, she gives him her phone number yeah, right. Then she looks up her fiance and explains that she has met someone else. That's just one example of how badly written this screenplay was." --1 star

Some Like It Hot-

"Not funny according to today's standards.Very skimpy dress on Marlyn. Also much too fat FIGURE." --2 stars

The Band Wagon-

"This Band Wagon is one that everyone should jump off of and find a more realistic use of their time with either another movie with some character or go to the park and feed ducks. Astaire is an overaged matchup for Cyd Charisse and appears to be asking himself continually, "what the hell am I doing here?" It looks more like a father/daughter relationship than an actual romantic encouter and musical story. This film is tragic and anyone who gave it more than a one should have a reality check. I know the 50's were a very rough time for the movie industry and with this picture anyone can see why....even the late Ray Charles." --1 star

The Wizard of Oz-

"Just godawful So cloying. The portrayal of the 'little people' with their helium voices is unbearable. All the characters are treated with nauseating condescension and frightening levels of sentimentality. At the center, poor busty Judy Garland bursting out of her dress, pretending to be a child, and off-camera being fed uppers by her mother. Yes, there's her powerful, beautiful voice to the rescue, but did any performer ever look so uncomfortable with herself and so miserable to be there? Her palpable itch to be anywhere else undermines the soggy cuteness of the movie, which - in its way - is good." --1 star

"I rented this to see what the story is with Pink Floyd's Darkside of the Moon. There were a few moments where the music coinsided with the film, which made it cool. To watch it, start the cd at the third lion roar at the beginning. The producer, Mervyn Leroys credit is at the transition from "Speak to Me" to "Breathe". When the cd ends, pause the movie and restart the music from the beginning." --2 stars

"I was SO glad to see that not everyone thinks this is the greatest movie. This is the goofiest movie I have ever seen. The acting is HORRIBLE, with the exception of a few songs, the songs are HORRIBLE, the plot is lame. The ONLY thing that is good about this movie is the color effects and the switch from B/W to color is clever." --2 stars

Cabaret-

"Oh, I see, like "triumph of the will." You're supposed to end up rooting for the Nazis, right? No? Are you sure? Then who the hell am I rooting for? The completely vacuous Englishman? The least likeable female lead I've ever seen? (What is she, someone's daughter?) Oh right, Joel Grey, who is actually kind of awesome, even though he plays his character like some confusing level boss in an poorly translated Japanese video game. This movie had me thinking: "was the original play good? The book? How could they be?" This movie captures pre World War II Germany the way my farts capture what I just ate". --1 star

Goodnight and good luck.

Big Fan: The Inexplicable Buffalo '66 Remake Nobody Asked For

Two years ago former Onion editor Robert Siegel made quite a splash with his script for the Wrestler, the story of an aging sports star coming to terms with the failures in his life. The film rode a tidal wave of goodwill thanks in huge part to Mickey Rourke's honest and heartfelt lead performance. I felt that had the film not had such an incredible portayal at its center (and to its a credit a subtle, unadorned style of direction by Darren Aronofsky) it would have easily been produced as made-for-TV fodder. Basically, the story was one we had seen a billion times, hitting the same tired notes of redemption and regret over and over again, like clockwork. Unfortunately there was nothing new at its story's center.

Shortly after the Wrestler's release I heard of Seigel's upcoming debut as a director, another story of sports obsession entitled Big Fan. The film, also scripted by Seigel, would star Patton Oswalt as a die-hard New York Giants fan whose intense love of the team is thrown out of control when he gets violently attacked by his favorite player. Now here was something that sounded pretty unique and original. I don't remember hearing a tale like that one before. Plus it's got the lovable Patton, how could you go wrong? Unfortunately, Big Fan's theatrical run was so short-lived I didn't get a chance to see it until its recent DVD release.

Well, I liked it more than the Wrestler. It definitely went in directions I wasn't quite expecting but unfortunately, for most of the film's duration, I was distracted by the uncanny similarity between its plot and actor/artist/musician Vincent Gallo's directorial debut, 1998's fantastic Buffalo '66.

Dig the particulars:

-Both films focus on sports-obsessed losers living in the state of New York.

-In both films the main character's dramatic trajectory is instigated by a wrong committed by one of their favorite team's players. (In Buffalo '66, Vincent Gallo's Billy Brown serves prison time as payment for his bookie after Scott Wood, the Bill's kicker, misses a game-winning field goal. In Big Fan, Oswalt's Paul is hospitalized after his favorite player Quantrell Bishop beats him up for following him around.)

-Both films spend large periods of time showcasing the protagonist's bitter, bickering families.

-Both films have scenes set in stripclubs.

-Both films co-star Kevin Corrigan as the protagonist's best friend.

-Both films culminate in fantastical bursts of violence.

-After two hours of depression and despair, both films end on a surprising note of hope.

To its credit, Buffalo '66 deals with much more than the bulletpoints above. It is about a lack of communication and the quest for love. It is punctuated by inventive and beautiful fantasy sequences and resonates on a deep emotional level. Big Fan on the other hand does little more than hit the notes recounted above. As the credits rolled I was struck by how thin most of it felt, the whole project seemed like more of a sketch than a finished piece. Admittedly there were some nice moments, Patton was great (Paul is the Bizarro Remy) and I honestly did not see the clever twist at the end. But all in all it felt fairly hollow to me. Which is fine.

I just hope a remake of the Brown Bunny isn't in the works.

Pre-Game Warm-Up: Top Hat

Our Spring series kicks off in a couple of weeks with the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers classic Swing Time. This will be our second film by that pair (after Shall We Dance two Springs ago). If we ever do a third, it will likely be Top Hat, which for your warming-up pleasure we present this Crazy Cinematic Dance Craze:



And this appreciation of the film and Fred Astaire by Shawn Levy of The Oregonian:

"There's something essentially cinematic, I think, in the sight of him actually moving about -- not only dancing but simply walking across a room. Astaire was an immensely angular fellow: all elbows, knees, hips and shoulders, with that teardrop-shaped head on top of a honed chin. And he knew in his bones how to deploy that angularity within the rectangle of the movie frame. The very image of him is the stuff of movies."