Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Critics Agree Part III: And the Lost Crusade

The following is a compendium of actual unedited reviews from Netflix subscribers. Let the mean-spirited tomfoolery begin.

Shall We Dance

--"2 1/2 stars. I've never been a fan of the "song and dance" flicks, but a few things surprised me about Shall We Dance: 1) The first 3/4 of the film has very few song and dance numbers for a "song and dance" flick. However, the final act is one big musical number, which I guess makes up for the scarcity in the earlier acts. 2) Rogers and Astaire are, indeed, a really good on-screen couple. 3) I never noticed before that Ginger Rogers is kinda hot. This helped. 4) Although I enjoyed Shall We Dance more than I thought I would, it's still not my cup of tea." --3 stars

An American in Paris

--"Didnt like it. A young girl falls in love with a man twice her age. He should have picked the blond." --1 star

--"5 minutes of Gene Kelly = an extraordinary thing (even to someone who knows nothing about dance). 2+ hours of it = numbness. Imagine Edward Van Halen's "Eruption" guitar solo going on for the length of an entire album. You just get lost." --1 star

Funny Face

-"How could Hepburn, Astaire and the Gershwins make such a bad film? It's poorly written and directed. The characters are annoying. It seemed as though every creative person involved must have been disgusted with the project by the time it got underway. This picture is only of interest to film historians; it has no entertainment value." --1 star

--"The movie was not viewable. We could not get it to play.Please replace as soon as possible. Thank you.xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx x xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx" --1 star

McCabe & Mrs Miller

--"This looked like Paint Your Wagon without the music. Dreary and uninteresting. Very disappointed." --1 star

--"Dull. Pointless. Glacially paced. The one novel aspect was how it somehow managed to bring drug use to the Western genre. For hippies and Altman fans only." --1 star

Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid

--"This movie had too much violence and nakedness in it also too much swearing. It showed very little concern for human life, like it didn't matter to kill someone. No morals whatever!" --1 star

Dead Man

--"Sucked! Apart from Johnny Depp, who of course is still a good actor even in this POS, and the hilariously obscenely gay scene with Iggy Pop this movie was hands down the WORST Johnny Depp/Western I've ever seen." --1 star

--"Almost like 'The Naked Gun' but western-style. Neither myself nor my husband liked this piece at all." --1 star

The Red Shoes

--"I am a friend of the Arts. I do like the ballet. However, this movie was awful. The first 15 minutes seemed to drag on. I decided to watch the entire film on a late Sunday afternoon...just to pass the time. I didn't like it." --1 star

--"Unable to view movie as it was defective. Only part of the movie was visible. Marvin Don" --1 star

The Blues Brothers

--"Yuck! I don't remember this movie being rated R. I didn't even watch it when I saw that. I am shipping it back tomorrow." -- 1 star

Purple Rain

--"I'm still wondering what this movie is supposed to be about. I would really like the 111minutes of my life that it took to watch this awful movie back please!" --1 star

--"Lisa Hair is amazing. This movie is very 80s. However The language is PRINCE universal Lugha ya PRINCE ni lugha ya duniani" --5 stars

Can't argue with that.

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